~ At the core of codependency, overgiving, and self-abandoning is a soul who has not yet learned that they are worthy of love – Unknown
Your state of codependency is usually born out of extreme childhood trauma. Most cases are caused by, not one specific instance, but rather the constant state of trauma you lived in, during your childhood.
As humans, we are all drawn to what we know, even if it makes us unhappy – it is still familiar. If you grow up in a toxic environment, chances are that this behaviour has become so normalised, that you hardly notice when they are happening anymore. You may not be comfortable admitting that you lived with trauma because of your codependency. You, more than likely, even see it as a normal upbringing – and besides, many other people had it much worse, right?
The environment you grew up in was tough, and filled with continuous drama, anger, and neglect, i.e., a lack of parental love, understanding and support. Out of these conditions, you learnt to cope. You adapted, and this makes you resilient and incredibly courageous!
Due to the coping mechanisms that you developed during your childhood, you are now, repeatedly, trying to help the people in your life, at the cost of your own peace and serenity.
You find yourself in toxic relationships – repeating the old patterns, and regularly trying to save your toxic partners, family, and friends; yet in doing so you create an environment for them to thrive. At the cost of your own peace of mind. Yet, when you find yourself becoming angry with that person, refusing to be saved, you berate yourself for your anger at them and for feeling the way you do.
- Do you find yourself changing / adapting your personality and principals to gain, or maintain, the approval of others?
- Are you, or have you been described by others as, a people pleaser?
- Do you struggle to disagree with others because you are afraid of conflict, or pushing that person away?
- Are you easily intimidated by other personalities?
- Do you feel that another person’s feelings and needs are more important than your own?
Does this sound familiar? If so, then I can assist you to break free from the shackles you created.
This is the first step:
Understanding that this is something you created. You are running on old programming that was built into you by your peers, your surroundings, your upbringing – you created it to survive the circumstances you were in, but it is not your fault.
However, now, it is your responsibility to deal with it.
The good news is that your brain is amazingly adaptable and can be changed. At any age.
The techniques I use will eliminate the old programs and we will re-install new positive programming, this technique will ultimately build your self-esteem and self-love.
You will learn how to focus on yourself and build solid boundaries.
You may, no longer, have the physical bruises and scars as evidence of the abuse you have suffered, however, you do still have the mental and psychological wounds and scars. This severely and negatively impact your quality of life.
Suffering psychological abuse at the hands of a toxic partner, parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker can leave you questioning your sanity, your entire existence, your identity – who you are and what your values and principals are. Years of manipulation, gaslighting and mind-games from your abuser who, over time, wore down your sense of self, and ultimately, your self-worth left you questioning everything about yourself.
You are convinced that everything that is wrong in your relationship is entirely your fault, and if you were just a “better person” this would not have happened to you.
Additionally, you are more than likely suffering from Stockholm Syndrome – you are addicted to your abuser. Addicted to the drama. Addicted to the emotional ups and downs, the devastating break-ups, and the passionate reunions. You are constantly expecting something to go wrong because you know that, inevitably, something will.
- Are you struggling to make decisions?
- Do you lack confidence?
- Do you have anger issues?
Your default setting is permanently set to ANXIETY – fear of what’s going to happen next?
If something good happens, you are convinced that something bad will follow. It’s always been this way, riding on the emotional rollercoaster.
I have several techniques which can be structured around to your particular situation, and history, to eliminate the damaging beliefs that you formulated as a result of the abuse. Once you have released this baggage, you will feel immediately lighter and closer to the true you. In place of the damaging beliefs, we will create new positive belief systems which will bring you closer to the person you were born to be. You will learn how to love yourself, and ultimately those around you too.